All the Things We Do Not Say
As you walk across the creaky floorboards at 3 am
Hoping nobody hears
And when they do
You tell them you’re hungry
And leave it at that
But in your mind
You think
Hungry for less fear
Hungry for sleep, which you haven’t gotten in days
Hungry for support from your foes and friends
All the words you will not say
For those who love you
Will also judge you
Go see a shrink!
Drink some hot milk!
Take deep breaths!
Been there, tried that.
But you nod, you say ok
All the words you will not say
For those who love you
Will also judge you
Tiptoeing back to your cold room
Posters hang from walls
Like torn remembrance what used to be
Taking them down would be like ripping memories
Remember what I used to be?
Remember when I could stay up all night willingly?
I used to be that girl dancing ‘till dawn
But now I am the girl afraid to go out to her own lawn
They tell me to go outside
They tell me to stop being so afraid I tried that, it made me worse
You’re a blockhead for thinking that would work
Heavy drugs, yoga, tea
They all suggest these to me
To help me with my sleep I think they mean well I hope they are trying to help
But for now,
Goodnight and farewell.
***
Annie Bleveans is a middle schooler and vegetarian living in Southern California. She enjoys playing softball, writing, and playing with her 2 cats and 1 dog. Contact her at aobwriting@gmail.com
SICK LIT MAGAZINE 
I remember being in 7th grade, 12 years old, and feeling this exact way. More people should start writing about it and talking about it; I remember bottling it all up because I thought anyone I told would think I was “crazy.” All these years later, it was OCD and anxiety. We had just moved from Florida to Texas and I was going through some panic episodes – I love this poem from Annie – it’s so real and raw and captivating.
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Well written piece. I can relate. Hope something works for you sooner rather than later. The best advice I can give, is to take it one day at a time. Honestly, it’s the only helpful advice because few people understand what it’s like. Prayers for you 💕🙏🏻
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Lovely work.
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