The Bitter End – by DEE LEAN

The Bitter End.

by Dee Lean, edited by Kelly Fitzharris Coody

 

What will become of us?

She sat down in the dimly lit room, agonizing over what would become of her and her children.

She was quick to end all discussions when she found out the truth from the man that had shared her bed for eight years. He cried and asked for forgiveness, but in truth he hadn’t seemed particularly sorry for the pain and heartache he had caused her; only for the predicament he found himself in and the confrontation he was now experiencing. He never did well with confronting the truth and he never did do well lying to her.

She always knew; sometimes she wouldn’t say anything but she always knew when he was lying.

He was adamant he wouldn’t abandon his children.

He was lying.

He didn’t know it at the time. He believed that statement; but like so many things he had said over the years, it was just lip service. Like the sounds made by the desperate when they fervently pray to a god that they don’t believe in.

She knew him too well, sometimes even better than he probably knew himself.

She began to study him closely and, thus, began despising him.

Why was he shedding tears? They weren’t for her? Did he feel like she wanted or needed to see emotion? Like it was a hard choice for him?

She cringed at his tears. She lost more and more respect for him.

They were married in convenience; lust had played a big part in the beginning.

Two people looking for someone to love; for someone to close the gap of loneliness the other had felt.  He never understood her fully, he never understood her depression. It perplexed him, as he didn’t know what she had to be depressed about. He would belittle her illness.

He was not the only one to blame for the affair.

She knew him and she knew what was going to happen before it happened.

Was she surprised? Yes, for a moment in time.

Did she blame him? No. She had been a difficult partner in the past, cold and unloving when she knew he needed her the most.

Her ego and pride got in the way. They became her downfall; and he knew this better than anyone.

Although she would never admit it, she finally found respect for him.

He had become the man she always wanted; but for someone that was everything she couldn’t bring herself to be. This irony was not lost on her.

She now looks at their children and sees him in their mannerisms, in their eyes, and it no longer angers her. She hopes one day they can get past the pain and the hurt they caused the other and be able to see the good they brought into this world and cherish it.

She is sorry for the pain she caused him. She is sorry for the pain she caused herself.

***

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***Dee Lean believes that a writer that doesn’t write is like a soul without a mate; aimlessly wondering without a purpose. Born in Belfast, Ireland, Lean currently lives in Melbourne, Australia and is a single mother to two gorgeous kids that get her up and inspire her to see and seek the good in all. When people ask her what she does, she simply says, “I write.” Lean is now a regular contributor at Sick Lit Magazine. She tweets at: https://twitter.com/Dede18 ***

*Featured image courtesy of Brian Michael Barbeito*

 

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