Millennial Horoscopes – by EMILY MARCHANT

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Millennial Horoscopes


Capricorn: You were born on the cusp of Generation X and Generation Y, and have always related to both without identifying as one or the other. Friends from both generations may pressure you to “pick a side.” Stick to your non-labeling agenda.

Aquarius: An unexpected potential romance will appear courtesy of Jupiter. Pay special attention to your Uber drivers and fellow classmates at aerial yoga.  Unfortunately, all those Uber rides and specialty yoga courses will drain you financially, so you won’t have money to pay for any dates.

Pisces: As a friend of the fish, you’ve been feeling guilty about eating seafood of late. Switch to vegan seafood. Now there will be no feelings of hypocrisy in your advocacy to free Tilikum. Marine life will send you good vibes for your support.

Aries: Spontaneity is in the stars courtesy of Venus. This month may be the time to do that protest at the zoo you’ve been thinking about. Don’t let negative feedback or security interference stop you— you’re an activist.

Taurus: As a Taurus, you’ve always been crafty. You will feel inspired to feng shui your living space. Sell your furniture on Craiglist. As a Millennial, you’ve always been thrifty. Hire somebody from Craiglist to redecorate your place.

Gemini: As Mercury enters your sign, it will be a time of reflection. You may consider rekindling a business relationship. Review the businesses and brands you’ve boycotted. One of them may have improved by your ethical standards.

Cancer: The full moon at the end of the month will tempt you to do something completely un-Millennial, such as making a big purchase. Don’t be lured into buying something high-maintenance like a car or a house. Get a puppy instead.

Leo: You will feel ambitious during the full moon this month. Take this novel confidence and sport a new style, like a denim jumpsuit or pajama-style shorts. Your friends won’t understand— that’s why you’re the self-described quirky trendsetter of the group.

Virgo: Venus and Mercury are your ruling planets this month. They will inspire you to do something daring. Take up an eccentric hobby or buy a pet snake. Try out Instagram and Snapchat filters that you normally don’t choose when you post pictures of Curly the boa.

Libra: This month will leave you betrayed. An owner of a company you shop may donate money to a toxic cause. Pay attention to the issues those you know support. Remember to wear your 2016 presidential candidate’s button on your Greenpeace shirt so everyone knows where you stand.

Scorpio: Pluto will bring you temporary Internet fame. It will fizzle out by the full moon, so don’t let the negative comments affect you. You will again find short-lived fame during the next moon cycle.

Sagittarius: Don’t be selective about sending out good vibes. Send them out freely and Venus will grant you good karma for so being open-minded. You can continue to hoard well wishes, though. Hoarding well wishes doesn’t affect karma.



Emily Marchant lives and writes in the Pacific Northwest. She’s had nonfiction, fiction, and poetry published.

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