A Short Survey by David Cook

A Short Survey

Thank you for booking a one-night stay through our website. Would you like to take a short survey about your experience of the site? Your feedback is very important to us.

1. A) Yes ✔
2. B) No

We note that you have booked a double room with en-suite. Will you be sharing with:

1. A) Your partner
2. B) Someone else

Sorry! You may not close the window until the question has been answered.

We note that you have booked a double room. Will you be sharing with?

1. A) Your partner ✔
2. B) Someone else

Liar! Please change your answer.

Sorry! You are unable to close the window until the question has been answered truthfully.

We note that you have booked a double room. Are you staying with your partner or someone else?

1. A) Partner
2. B) Someone else ✔

Who is the other person? Is it:

1. A) Sarah from the pub
2. B) Melanie from over the road
3. C) That bitch Jane from your office
4. D) Someone else

Sorry! You are unable to close the browser window until the question has been answered.

Sorry! You are unable to shut down your laptop until the question has been answered. If you do not answer this question, you will not be able to turn off your laptop or look at other websites, including all those embarrassing ones in your browser history that you think no-one knows about. (Perhaps you should delete that next time?) Nor will you be able to turn off your screen. This situation will continue until Carrie – your girlfriend, remember her? The one who can do anything with computers, including yours? – comes home from work. By the way, the battery in your laptop isn’t going to run out any time soon, so don’t get your hopes up on that score.

Who is the other person? Is it:

1. A) Sarah from the pub?
2. B) Melanie from over the road?
3. C) That bitch Jane from your office? ✔
4. D) Someone else

Is your stay for business purposes or pleasure?

1. A) Business ✔
2. B) Pleasure

Liar! People don’t share a double bed on a business trip, you arse. Please answer truthfully, or that browser history mentioned earlier will be emailed to everyone you work with, including that bitch Jane.

Is your stay for business purposes or pleasure?

1. A) Business
2. B) Pleasure ✔

When were you planning to tell Carrie about your grubby little affair?

1. A) Tonight
2. B) Soon ✔
3. C) Never

Liar! Your browser history has now been emailed to everyone you work with, including that bitch Jane.

Please change your answer.

When were you planning to tell Carrie about your grubby little affair?

1. A) Tonight
2. B) Soon
3. C) Never ✔

Are you going to pack your bags and bugger off before Carrie gets home, you pathetic little scrag-end?

1. A) Yes ✔
2. B) No

Would you like to receive emails regarding other hotels offering cut-price deals for dirty weekends, you prick?

1. A) Yes
2. B) No ✔

Thank you. The survey is now complete. Now piss off before I come home.

 

David Cook lives in Bridgend, Wales, with his wife, daughter, cats and guinea pig, and writes as a way of filling in the time while waiting for the rain to stop. He has been published in Short Fiction Break, Flash Fiction Magazine, Sick Lit Magazine and Spelk Fiction, and was also featured in A Box Of Stars Beneath The Bed: The 2016 National Flash Fiction Anthology.

He also publishes work at www.davewritesfiction.wordpress.com. You can find him on Twitter too – @davidcook100.